Laurbuy’s Haunted Museum

Ashley hadn’t planned to come to this part of town tonight. However, burst water mains had led to the closing of her usual route home, forcing her to take a long way around. Not that Ashley minded the walk, but she wasn’t a fan of her plans being altered.

As she walked, Ashley looked at the various storefronts that lined the street. Many of them had changed since Ashley’s previous visit to this part of town, but they all followed a similar pattern of food and furniture stores.

Down an alleyway, a building caught Ashley’s eye. Unlike the slightly-dated storefronts in the rest of the area, this store looked like a stereotypical haunted house. It looked like someone had ripped an abandoned building from its foundations and then dumped it into the middle of the city. Ashely’s curiosity quickly got the better of her and she turned into the alleyway, keen to see if this strange building had a sign out front or some hint as to what it was.

As she moved closer, Ashley noticed more and more of the building’s details. Several of the windows were boarded up. A gothic iron fence surrounded its entrance. Ashley did wonder if this was an actual abandoned building, but while she hasn’t been in the area for a while, she hadn’t been away long enough for someone to build this structure and then abandon it. Decay was quick, but not this quick, especially in a city like hers.

Ashley spotted a sign sitting on the front of the iron fence. She quickly moved towards it so she could finally put her questions to rest. “Laurbuy’s Haunted Museum. Only Open After Dusk,” read the sign in a twisting gothic font.

“A haunted museum, weird,” mumbled Ashley as she looked up at the sky. She didn’t have any plans for the night beyond getting home, and it was already well after dusk, so it couldn’t hurt to go inside. She knew that if she didn’t look, she would spend all night wondering about this place.

After a few minutes of silent debate, Ashley shrugged and walked through the gate. She then quickly made her way to the heavy oak doors. As Ashley started to push them open, a shiver ran down her spine. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. It really felt like Ashley was doing something forbidden, like she was entering a place that shouldn’t be entered.

Behind the doors sat a small lobby area that was shrouded in darkness. Ashley took a few steps further in and looked around, waiting for her eyes to become accustomed to the inky blackness. The whole place had an ominous vibe about it. All of the walls were covered in creepy pictures that seemed to watch you as you moved. The only other thing in the room was a long counter at the far end of the room.

As Ashley continued to look around, her heart started to pound. It felt like something was about to jump out at her, like this was building to a jump scare of some form. However, nothing seemed to happen. The pitch-black room was perfectly silent.

“Umm. Hello?” shouted Ashley, wondering if she had walked into this place before it was open. “Is anyone around?” she added as she started to move back towards the door. However, just as her hand touched the door, a loud crash echoed out from behind the desk.

Ashley screamed and jumped backward, pressing herself against the wall as a figure rose up from behind the desk. “What? What?” shouted the figure, several items falling off of it as it spun around on the spot. Ashley started to pant, unsure what to do. However, before she could decide what to do, the figure locked eyes with her. “A customer!” shouted the figure. “Come! Come! Let me see you! No need to hide,” it said as it beckoned towards Ashley.

Her heart still pounding, Ashley took a few steps forward towards the figure. As she moved, her eyes adjusted enough to let her see what was before her. The figure wasn’t a monster. Instead, it was a rather eccentric-looking red-haired woman, clad in a dusty old suit and top hat. However, the crumples on the outfit made it clear that the woman had been sleeping under the counter.

“Welcome, traveler!” greeted the woman as Ashley got close. “I’m Lady Chastity Laurbuy, the owner and proprietor of Laurbuy’s Haunted Museum!”

“Oh!” responded Ashley. “Cool!” Her brain tried to make sense of what was going on. “I saw this building and thought it looked cool. How long have you been open?”

“Mere weeks!” replied Lady Laurbuy as she theatrically gestured towards a door at the back of the room, “But behind that door lies a collection of the most haunted and cursed items ever to grace the world. My collection gathered over years of travels to remote and dangerous locations, from the mountains of Transylvania to the salt flats of Tennessee.”

“Wow,” nodded Ashley, getting a little sucked into the woman’s performance. While she was over the top, she oozed charisma. “Anything dangerous?”

“Plenty,” winked Lady Laurbuy. “You have to sign a waiver on the way in. One of the items has claimed the souls of many innocents. But fear not, with sigils and rituals, I’ve been able to keep it contained. For now.”

“That is amazing,” gasped Ashley, totally unsure if the woman was telling the truth or not.

“Well,” interrupted Lady Laurbuy. “For a mere five dollars, I’ll give you the tour. New customer discount!”

Ashley didn’t have to think. She swung her backpack off and pulled her purse out of the bag. Within seconds she had a five-dollar bill held between her fingers. Lady Laurbuy smiled and leaned towards Ashley.

“But heed my warning,” said Laurbuy softly.

“What warning?” gasped Ashley as she leaned in, hoping to hear a secret.

“We don’t do refunds,” Laurbuy grinned as she grabbed the money and put it down under the counter. Ashley didn’t question the woman’s words. She had totally bought the pitch and couldn’t wait to see what strange things were behind those doors.

“I can’t wait!” blurted Ashley, practically trembling with excitement.

“Then, let’s start the tour!” cheered Laurbuy as she spun on her heel and walked towards the door. Ashley followed behind the woman, her excitement only growing with each step. Once they were at the door, Laurbuy pushed the door open as a low-quality recording of a crow echoed around the room.

Beyond the door was a massive room that looked a lot like the lobby. However, this room seemingly had even more pictures inside it. In addition to portraits on the wall, there were also small framed pictures covering every surface.

“Tread carefully,” whispered Laurbuy, “You are now in the world of horrors.” Ashley moved deeper into the room as she continued to look at the various pictures. However, as her eyes roamed the room, something suddenly clicked in her head.

Not only were all the pictures the same. Ashley instantly recognized what they were pictures of. “This room is just pictures of Kevin Bacon!” shouted Ashley as she turned to Laurbuy, her excitement quickly draining away.

“Yes!” nodded Laurbuy as a dumb smile formed on her face.

“Are they haunted?” Asked Ashley.

“No,” chuckled Laurbuy. “But some are evil!”

“Which ones?” groaned Ashley, realizing that she had been scammed. Laurbuy quickly moved over to one frame that featured the same picture of Kevin Bacon. However, this one had the man in front of a checkerboard background.

“Look at this!” shouted Laurbuy as she pointed accusingly at the image. “They said it was transparent. But no! It’s not! Imagine the kind of monster who would make something like this? Imagine the evil that lurks in their soul!”

“Right,” sighed Ashley as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. “But it’s not like. Haunted?”

“No,” replied Laurbuy.

“Is anything in here haunted?” groaned Ashley.

“No.”

“Cursed?”

“No.”

“Associated with a demon?”

“No,” smiled Laurbuy.

“Then how is this a haunted museum?!” shouted Ashley. “It is just one picture you’ve printed off the internet!”

“I told you, we just opened! We’re a startup!” huffed Laurbuy.

“A startup?” Ashley blinked, now thoroughly confused by both this woman and her museum.

“Do you know how expensive it is to retrofit a building? And to get it up to code?” replied Laurbuy as she stuffed her hands into her pockets. “It’s really costly! And the price of haunted artifacts has skyrocketed in the last year!”

“But you said you found them on your travels?” mumbled Ashley.

“Customs!” interjected Laurbuy. “You try getting a haunted doll through customs! Especially when it starts insulting the agents!”

“So what? You’re just not going to have any haunted things in your haunted museum?” asked Ashley.

“In the future,” began Laurbuy. “Your early-bird tickets allow us to raise funds to buy our collection! So at the current rate in two to three years, we’ll be welcoming the first items to our permanent collection!”

“Two to three years?!” shouted Ashley as her jaw fell open in shock.

“If you buy a regular membership, we could speed that up and our first item will arrive within one year and eleven months!” added Laurbuy, once again putting on her charm.

“I think I’m good, thanks,” sighed Ashley. “So, any of these other pictures got anything going on?”

“Why?” Replied Laurbuy.

“I’ve paid five dollars. I’m going to get my money’s worth.” Mumbled Ashley as she started to walk through the room, her eyes dancing over the sea of Bacon.