The tavern was full of noise and energy as people relaxed after a hard-working week. Every few minutes, one of the tables would erupt into song or a drunk game of dice. However, one table in the corner was much quieter than the rest.
Sat at this table were three women, each clad in bright metallic armor. They were totally focused on their conversation, their foreheads wrinkled in thought. “What are you saying?” Asked one as she sipped her ale.
“Vula is right,” said the one on the far side of the table as she fiddled with her dagger. “We’ve been doing it for years.”
“So just lie?” Asked Vula as she raised an eyebrow.
“Yep,” nodded the third woman. “Why not?”
“Because it isn’t honest, Uta!” Shouted Vula as she slammed her mug down. “We took an oath!”
“Our oath says to be truthful to those in need. The royal coffers are not in need.” Smirked Uta. “You think the crown cares if they have four million gold pieces or four million and one?”
“Exactly. The crown is not weak nor in need of justice.” Smiled Qam as she motioned to the bar. “So we make hay while the sun shines and then make yarn out of the chaff.”
“So what, you just lie?” Sighed Vula as she gripped her head and massaged her temples. The girls went quiet as the bartender came and placed more mugs on the table before lifting the finished ones onto a tray.
Once the bartender was out of earshot, the women started to speak again. “Well, when you go to the records keeper to collect your bounty. Just add on a few things. A couple of trolls under bridges. A few bandit camps ransacked.”
“But what if they check?” Whispered Vula as she leaned in to copy the others.
“They don’t. You think Scrandla leaves the castle?” Replied Qam sarcastically. “The only exercise that man gets is running his quill around the page.”
“The only way to check would be to send someone to follow us around constantly. And as we’re expected to hire our own pages now.” Started Uta.
“And our guides. And our horse wranglers. And our medical staff.” Interrupted Qam.
“Exactly! They don’t help us out! They say that we’re independent and can cover our own gear. So they screw us, and we screw them right back!” Noded Uta.
“This feels so base.” Sighed Vula. “Lying for money?”
“Hey, it is good money.” Grinned Qam. “Comes in really useful.”
“Sure, it is good for your pocketbook,” started Vula, only for Uta to interrupt by knocking her mug into Vula’s one.
“It’s good for the soul!” Cheered Uta before downing her ale. “Those gold coins allow us to avoid harm and help the needy.”
“You are not needy,” huffed Vula as she took a sip of her drink.
“Never said we were,” replied Uta with a wink. “But most bandits are looking for supplies. So a few coins will have them walking off without a sword having to be drawn. I then tell the crown that they were slain and claim a bundle of coins.”
“And those coins,” added Qam, “allow us to pay to avoid further aggression.”
“And allows us to lift the poor out of poverty. Once people get their needs met, they’re less likely to need to resort to underhanded schemes.” Nodded Uta. “So, that means we get sent out less. Because let’s face it, most of our bounties are failures of the crown.”
“Right?” Huffed Qam. “I signed up for moonstones and shades. Not smacking someone who dared steal a goose from the king’s land.”
“Right,’ mumbled Vula.
“And if the crown is distracted with dragons and monsters that don’t exist,” grinned Uta. “They don’t bother the working people.”
“And send them money to fortify, which can be redirected to make lives better.” Nodded Qam. “Really, it is good sense to lie.”
“Moral duty even.” Grinned Uta.
“But how do I prove it?” Asked Vula as she took another sip of ale.
“We have a nice collection of dung, animal skin, and random rags that are just perfect for whatever you need,” giggled Uta. “We buy them from some villagers. All the junk and cloth they don’t need due to damage or filth.”
“In fact, the worse it is. The better it is for us!” Added Qam as she let out a soft whistle. “We’re the finest for trash, basically!”
“You have this all figured out, huh?” Mumbled Vula.
“Call it a grey economy.” Nodded Uta. “All of this lets us help the community while focusing on greater threats. And all you have to do is lie to Scrandla and his boring clerks.”
“I think I’m doing them a favor,” giggled Qam. “I mean, it must be so dull to write about the same robberies and crimes over and over. We at least give them an original tale each time! One that gives their quill a challenge!”
“I’m surprised I really am.” Said Vula softly.
“But you’re curious.” Chuckled Uta. “I see it in your eyes. You know we’re not messing around.”
“You’re not. And I get what you’re saying. I could do with the money as well.” Said Vula as she downed the dregs of her drink. “But I’m not sure what I would even say.”
“Well,” smiled Uta as she reached into her pack and dropped a cloth bag onto the table with a soft thud. “You met a Vile Rum up in the hills near Lockin. You skinned it, but they never walk alone.” She said with a wink. “So obviously, you’ll need to claim a few coins. Getting their venom off of steel isn’t cheap.”
Vula moved the bag closer to her and pulled it open, poking her head inside as she did. Inside there were several bits of tarnished metal as well as some rotten flesh. “Did you plan this?” She asked.
“Nah, this was my story. Well, replace Lockin with the Tarian Sea. But you can have it.” Smiled Uta.
“You sure?” Asked Vula.
“Consider it a symbol of my faith in the process.” Nodded Uta.
“Uta’s kits always work. It will be a breeze,” nodded Qam.
“Sure, I’ll give it a shot,” nodded Vula.
“Then here’s to dubious, if morally correct, fraud!” Grinned Uta as she raised her mug.
“To fraud!” Smirked Qam as she and Vula knocked their mugs into Uta’s.
[Enjoyed this short? Consider buying me a coffee!]
Jonathon Greenall is a freelance writer, artist, and tabletop roleplaying game designer who has written for CBR, Polygon, Nintendo Life, Gayley Dreadful, Enbylife, and many other publications. They have also published several popular and highly-praised tabletop roleplaying games including “You Have One Ability….The Ability To Fuck This Up,” “Macarons, Milkshakes, And Magic,” and “Wander Wizards.”
Jonathon has always been fascinated by media, from the big hitters to the small, obscure, and often overlooked titles that linger on the sidelines, capturing both the on and off-camera stories that make these shows so fascinating.
Jonathon is also a major anime fan, having been exposed to the medium through shows like Sailor Moon and Revolutionary Girl Utena. Since then, Jonathon has maintained a passion for anime, watching most new shows each season and hunting down overlooked gems from previous ones.